How Can We Encourage Men to Open Up Emotionally? 5 Things That Actually Help

We often hear that men need to talk about their feelings more.

We encourage them to be vulnerable, to stop bottling things up and to recognise that asking for support isn't a sign of weakness. And I think those are important conversations to have.

But there's another question we don't ask nearly enough.

When men do open up, how do we actually respond?

Imagine a man finally telling his partner that he's been struggling at work. He's worried about money, questioning his abilities and feeling like he hasn't achieved enough for his age.

Perhaps the response is well-intentioned.

“Don't think like that. You're doing fine.”

Or perhaps it's frustration.

“You always keep things to yourself. Why didn't you tell me earlier?”

Maybe he tells a friend he's been feeling overwhelmed, only to hear, “Bro, you'll be fine. Just don't overthink it.”

None of these responses necessarily comes from a place of cruelty. Sometimes people genuinely don't know what to say. Other times, seeing someone we care about struggling makes us uncomfortable, so we rush to reassure them, offer solutions or move the conversation along.

But there's a difference between encouraging someone to speak and making it easier for them to continue speaking once they do.

Why opening up can be difficult in the first place

For some men, expressing emotional vulnerability means going against messages they've absorbed for much of their lives.

Don't cry. Be strong. Man up. Handle your problems. Don't burden other people.

When these expectations are repeated often enough, they can shape how someone understands themselves. Being the dependable one, the provider or the person who keeps everything together may become an important part of their identity.

So admitting “I'm scared” or “I don't know what I'm doing” can feel like more than sharing an emotion. It may feel like failing at the very role they've been taught to fulfil.

And when someone has spent years learning to keep difficult feelings private, we can't necessarily expect them to suddenly express those feelings clearly just because we've told them it's okay.

They might struggle to explain what's wrong. They might go quiet, change the subject or describe everything as stress rather than sadness, fear or shame.

That doesn't always mean they're unwilling to communicate. Sometimes they're still learning how.

So if we genuinely want to encourage men to open up, here are five things worth paying attention to.

1. Don't take it personally if he doesn't open up immediately

You might tell someone, “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” and receive nothing more than “Yeah, I'm okay.”

It can feel disappointing, especially when you're genuinely trying to be supportive. You might wonder whether he doesn't trust you or why he won't let you in.

But an invitation to open up doesn't automatically make vulnerability feel comfortable.

Trust and emotional safety are built through repeated experiences, not one conversation. Someone who has spent years keeping things to himself may need time to recognise what he's feeling, find the words or believe that sharing won't change how others see him.

Rather than repeatedly asking “What's wrong?” or “Why won't you talk to me?”, try leaving the invitation open.

“You don't have to talk about it now. But if you ever want to, I'm here.”

And then allow him the space to decide when he's ready.

Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is make ourselves available without making someone feel guilty for not taking up the offer.

2. Don't belittle, dismiss or make fun of what he shares

Imagine finally admitting something you've been ashamed of, only to hear:

“Seriously? You're upset over that?”

“I thought you were stronger than this.”

Or perhaps something disguised as humour: “Wah, so emotional today ah?”

What might seem like a harmless joke can feel very different to someone who has taken a risk by sharing something personal.

We don't have to understand why something affects another person so deeply to recognise that it matters to them.

Instead of deciding whether their feelings are justified, we can get curious.

“I didn't realise this had been weighing on you. What's been the hardest part?”

And be mindful of what happens afterwards. If someone shares an insecurity and it becomes ammunition in a future argument, or a story told to friends for a laugh, they may think twice before trusting us with something vulnerable again.

How we handle what someone shares today can influence whether they feel comfortable sharing tomorrow.

3. Listen before rushing to reassure or fix things

When someone we care about is struggling, our instinct is often to make them feel better as quickly as possible.

“Don't worry, it'll work out.”

“Just find another job.”

“You're overthinking it.”

These responses may come from a good place. But sometimes, in our hurry to make the problem disappear, we unintentionally move past the feeling the person was trying to share.

If he tells you he's afraid of losing his job, perhaps he already knows he should update his résumé. What he hasn't been able to tell anyone is how frightened he feels about disappointing his family.

Before offering advice, try acknowledging what you've heard.

“That sounds really stressful. I can see why you've been worried.”

You can also ask, “Do you want me to just listen, or would it help to think through what you can do?”

It's a small question, but it gives the person some choice over the support they receive instead of assuming we already know what they need.

4. Don't make his vulnerability about your reaction

Sometimes when someone opens up, we feel hurt by what they reveal.

Perhaps your partner admits he's been unhappy, lonely or struggling with something he hasn't told you about.

Your immediate reaction might be, “Why didn't you tell me?” or “So you don't trust me?”

Those feelings are understandable. But if the conversation immediately becomes about reassuring you, he may end up putting his own feelings aside to manage yours.

It can help to separate your reaction from your response.

You can acknowledge what he's shared first: “Thank you for telling me. I didn't realise you'd been feeling this way.”

And if you need to discuss why he didn't tell you sooner, that conversation can happen too. It just doesn't have to be the first thing he encounters after opening up.

Making space for someone doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have feelings. It means recognising when those feelings might be better addressed after you've had a chance to understand what the other person is trying to tell you.

5. Don't expect vulnerability to look the way you imagined

Sometimes we picture emotional openness as a long, heartfelt conversation where someone explains exactly how they feel. But not everyone communicates that way.

Some men might find it easier to talk while driving, walking or doing something together, rather than sitting face-to-face for an intense conversation. Others may start by talking about a frustrating situation at work before eventually admitting that they're feeling inadequate or afraid.

And sometimes, opening up might sound as simple as “I've been having a rough time lately.”

We can easily miss those moments if we're waiting for a particular kind of emotional expression.

Rather than pushing for more than someone is ready to share, we can respond to what they've offered.

“Do you want to tell me more about that?”

If they do, listen. If they don't, respect that too.

The aim isn't to get someone to reveal everything in one conversation. It's to make emotional honesty feel possible, even in small moments.

We often talk about men's emotional vulnerability as though the solution is simply getting them to speak.

But opening up is only one part of the experience. The other is what happens when someone takes that risk.

Do we respond with curiosity or criticism? Do we listen, or immediately try to fix things? Can we allow someone to share at their own pace without interpreting their hesitation as rejection?

Of course, men also have a role in learning to recognise and communicate their emotions. That responsibility doesn't belong entirely to the people around them.

But if we're asking men to be more emotionally open, it's worth considering whether our responses make that openness easier or harder.

Because telling someone it's safe to open up is one thing. Showing them, through how we respond, is another.

Hi! I'm Manpreet

I'm a Licensed Counsellor and the person behind Wander Within. I write about the things we navigate in life, relationships and figuring ourselves out along the way.

If something you've read resonates with you, you're welcome to explore counselling with me.

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