Why Does Everyone Else Seem to Be Doing Better Than Me?

It usually starts with something small. You open Instagram and someone has just announced their engagement. A former colleague got the promotion. Someone you know took a chance on a business idea and it's doing incredibly well.

You tap the heart. Maybe you send a congratulations. You are happy for them.

And then comes the thought you wish hadn't shown up.

Why does everything seem to work out for everyone except me?

Because you have been trying too. That's the part that hurts.

You know how many applications you've sent. You remember getting excited about the interview that eventually went nowhere. You know what it took to convince yourself to date again after the last disappointment. Maybe you've spent months trying to get a business off the ground, watching your savings get smaller while telling yourself to give it just a little more time.

So when somebody else gets the thing you've been working towards, it doesn't always feel like you're simply witnessing their success. Sometimes it feels like you're being confronted with your own lack of it.

And somewhere along the way, the question changes. It stops being “When is this going to happen for me?” and becomes “What am I doing wrong?”

The comparison was never really equal

The strange thing about comparing our lives with other people's is that we're rarely working with the same amount of information. You know your life from the inside. You remember the money you've spent, the risks you've taken, the rejection emails and the moments nobody else was around to witness.

But you probably don't know theirs in the same way.

You might know that their business is successful now. You may not know about the first idea that failed, the parent who helped financially, the connection that opened a door, or the years when nobody was buying anything.

You might see the relationship, without knowing what came before it.

And sometimes there isn't a hidden struggle at all. Maybe they really did get lucky. Maybe they had access to something you didn't. Maybe their timing was simply better.

That's important too, because we can be quick to turn outcomes into judgments about ourselves. If they succeeded and I didn't, they must have done something right that I did wrong. But life isn't quite that orderly. Effort matters, but so do timing, opportunity, circumstances, support, privilege and chance.

When we're already disappointed, though, it's easy to begin collecting evidence for the belief that everyone else is moving ahead. Every promotion or engagement seems to confirm it, while the people quietly struggling around us barely register.

Our attention tends to favour information that fits the story we've started believing. And the longer we carry that story, the more convincing it can become.

Before long, what began as disappointment about something that didn't work out starts feeling like evidence about who we are.

And maybe that's the part worth paying attention to.

There's a difference between “This hasn't worked out for me” and “Things don't work out for me.”

The first describes something that happened. The second turns it into a story about your life.

You don't need to pretend that watching someone else get what you desperately wanted doesn't sting.

You can be happy for someone and sad for yourself at exactly the same time.

But the next time their good news makes you question your own progress, consider how much of their story you actually know. You may be comparing years of your own uncertainty with a single moment when something went right for them.

And even if their journey genuinely was easier, that doesn't tell you what yours is worth.

Someone else's success is information about their life. It isn't a verdict on yours.

Hi! I'm Manpreet

I'm a Licensed Counsellor and the person behind Wander Within. I write about the things we navigate in life, relationships and figuring ourselves out along the way.

If something you've read resonates with you, you're welcome to explore counselling with me.

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